Kimi Harris, nonconformist

Encouraging Words

Before we delve into the subject matter of inviting and pursuing correction found in CJ Mahaney’s book, Humility, I wanted to share one of the ideas from the previous chapter in his book, on encouraging others. I was once again convicted and inspired.
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If you were to look at your daily communication to others, what do you think your words are conveying to others? In fact, what do you think the primary purpose of communication is? Why did God give us this gift? It is a rather interesting gift since the tongue can break hearts or bring healing. What do your words usually accomplish? Words will always be doing something, either destroying or building up. Since we use words everyday in every context in our communication with others it is so important to use words wisely. It is important to have a purposeful plan in how we speak to others because our tendency is to use words to serve ourselves. We don’t naturally use this gift to serve and bless others, but use it for self-gratifying purposes.
In the chapter, Encouraging Others, in CJ’s book, he bases his thoughts on this passage.

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good or building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."(Ephesians 4:29)

I don’t know about you, but every time I read this verse I am convicted of my sin once again. I know that I often do not use words that build up, or fitting to the moment or grace giving. CJ brings more light on corrupting talk.

“The speech that’s forbidden is “corrupting talk.” Are you familiar with corrupting talk? Sure you are. It’s a daily temptation and tendency for all of us.
This word corrupting is the same one used to denote the spoiling and decaying of food. Corrupting words bring rottenness; they’re death-giving words instead of life-giving words. God in this passage is wisely forbidding us from any and all speech that is detrimental to others-words that defile someone, words that are divisive or degrading……He’s referring to any and all communication that deters growth in godliness; any speech that hinders the cultivation of godly relationships; any words that have a deadening or dulling effect on the soul of another.”

My Personal Application
We probably all have many different temptations in how we can use death-giving words instead of life-giving. One that I have been trying to work on as God has convicted me, is using my words with others at my church to build them up. Since Faith passed away six months ago, relationships with those who are not my family have been hard for me. Everyone wanted to sympathize, but often didn’t know how and some awkward words could be painful to hear. Others would sometimes forget that only weeks had passed since I saw Faith draw her last breath and would bring up painful topics in front of me. I loved these people dearly and tried to take the sympathy behind the awkward words and also the forgetful ones. For a while I tried to avoid getting in to many conversations but carefully selected whom I was going to talk too. I think it was okay for me to do this for the first while, but I feel that God is now telling me that I can no longer continue “protecting” myself. I need to now use my words to encourage and serve others, to be involved in their lives more. It’s not that I was actually saying “death-giving” words, but my lack of building up words to others was accomplishing nothing and could even lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
I have two other areas that God has been convicting me about as well. In person, I can have a very, very hard time using words that would be encouraging, give grace, and be appropriate for the moment IF they would be disagreeable to the hearer. For example, I am talking to a close friend and she has just told me about a heart attitude that displays an alarming lack of love for God. I have a choice, I can smile and ignore (which is pretty much “death-giving” by not being truth-giving) and be a “people-pleaser”. Or I can humbly, graciously, but truthfully voice a concern. She might not like the fact that I am calling her on her attitude towards God. But my words will be “life-giving” and helpful instead of just smoothing over a sinful tendency. My lack of words can be just as damaging as wrongly spoken words.
The other area (which is pretty funny considering the above) is online I can tend to be overly direct and not as gracious as I should be in disagreements. These are disagreements where a principle I hold dear is under attack. I think my speech and debate background surfaces in an unhealthy way because I am only thinking of winning, instead of helping. There is a big difference. I can be speaking the truth, but if I am doing it to prove that I am right instead of pointing to God I am using the truth in an offense manner that helps no one. Online (and offline) the desire behind all of my words should be to bring glory to God and be truth-bearing. Sometimes it is appropriate to stand strong for a principle and use strong words, but never ungracious words. It doesn’t matter if the other person was degrading in tone or ungracious themselves, I am still responsible for my words.

So how about you? Do you need to work on this area? Here are some application questions to hopefully help you.

• What do your words usually accomplish in those around you?

• In your interaction with those closest to you (spouse, parents, children, siblings), do your words usually build them up in Christ, or tear them down?

• In disagreements do you use your words to encourage and bring light, or do you just seek to win the argument?

• Do you use your words to humbly encourage others in their weak areas, or do you use your words to flatter and please?

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Reference: Humility, True Greatness CJ Mahaney, pg 112-113

posted by Kimi Harris @ 8:18 PM